


Sleepwalking

by Blehlove



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Metal arms are strangely sexy, Oral Sex, Past Torture, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Natasha Romanov, Sex, Soulmates, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-03-27 13:25:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13881774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blehlove/pseuds/Blehlove
Summary: Aneliya Angelov has a knack for helping people to heal, a former SHIELD operative turned therapist she finds herself completely consumed by her new patient. Bucky Barnes can't help but be drawn to the beautiful foul mouthed woman trying to pick apart his brain. What could possibly go wrong while living in the Avengers compound?





	1. The Fragile, The Broken

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so excited to get this out to everyone. The name is taken from the song Sleepwalking by Bring me the Horizon. I will post regularly so keep an eye out. Enjoy!
> 
> 'Because we all walk alone on an empty staircase  
> Idle in the halls and nameless faces  
> I am powerless
> 
> Everybody wants to go to heaven  
> But nobody wants to die  
> I can fear death no longer  
> I've died a thousand times" Hospital for Souls by Bring Me The Horizon

Chapter 1

“You ok there Steve?” He looks startled, he really must have been spaced out. He meets my eyes with a weak smile on his face.

“Yes. I’m sorry Aneliya.I just have a lot on my mind.” I shake my head at the blonde man in front me. He was always apologizing. He had a vulnerability about him, an insecurity that I’m sure most people would never expect from Captain America.

“You apologize too damn much ya know? You’re allowed to think, you’re allowed to be upset.” He smiles weakly again. “So, want to tell me what’s worrying that pretty little head of yours Rogers?” A scoff is his response. 

Our eyes meet again, he still has such a hard time opening up. I wait patiently knowing that eventually he’ll let me in. With a sigh he finally concedes. “T’challa contacted me last night. He’s ready to come back…Bucky. They found a way to get rid of his Hydra programming.”  
I had never met James Barnes. I knew his story, both from history and from my coworkers. I had made it a point to learn as much as I could about the man. I was a former SHIELD operative. I was well trained in combat, mostly martial arts and blades. My most useful weapon though was my mind. I had always been interested in psychology, far before SHIELD recruited me. I had an unconventional childhood, it made me want to find peoples motives for their actions. I was a damn good spy, I could get information out of most anyone. I wasn’t as skilled as Natasha, my gifts were different than hers, she was far deadlier. When we found out that HYDRA were really the ones in charge, well let’s just say I asked to be taken off active duty. I sought out my former SHIELD comrades, primarily Natasha and Clint. I realized then that I could still do some good even if I wasn’t out kicking ass. These people needed help, they needed someone to talk to. That psychology degree finally came in handy. I was the unofficial therapist to The Avengers, not that they really called themselves that anymore. The group was still a little broken, still had their differences, but at the end of the day they needed each other and the world sure as hell needed them despite what the government wanted.

So back to Sergeant Barnes. Like I said I had never met him, but my god was I intrigued by his story. He stood at the center of many people’s lives here. To Steve he was a friend, a brother, all he had of his former life. To Tony he was the root of all evil. The man who took his family from him. I knew that this was why Steve looked so conflicted, Things were barely fixed between Steve and Tony. What would Tony do if Steve brought him back? I knew one hundred percent that Steve would go wherever Bucky went. 

I reach out and take my friends hand in mine and squeeze it gently. “You worry about getting him home and I’ll try to get through to Tony.” His shoulders seem to relax a bit, a crooked smile now graces his face.

“I don’t know what we’d all do without you Liya.” I roll my eyes playfully.

“You’d be even bigger basket cases than you already are that’s for sure.” Another smile at that. He hesitates before speaking again.

“I know they broke through the Hydra control but I don’t know how stable he is mentally still. The things they did to him…that had to have left scars. Will you help him? Just talk to him like you do with the rest of us?” Even if Steve hadn’t asked me I would have done it anyway. I always hoped one day Steve would get his friend back. Barnes story was horrific, the stuff of nightmares. He deserved some peace. 

“Of course Stevie. He’s a real dreamboat in those old photographs. It’ll be great to seem him live and in color.” I wink dramatically making the captain chuckle at my silliness.  
We make small talk for a few more minutes before he leaves to make some arrangements with the king of Wakanda. I Try to prepare myself for the difficult discussion that lies ahead of me. 

“Hey Friday, is Tony available?” The AI answers immediately.

“He’s in his lab Miss Angelov, he isn’t currently working on anything of great importance.” I walk out of my office and into the elevator to head to Tony’s lab.  
I take a deep breath before going to face Stark. He’s hunched over some blueprints drinking coffee and humming along to AC/DC. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure of your company Dr. Feelgood?” I roll my eyes at the smirking man in front of me.

“I don’t actually have a PHD yet Tony, you can stop with the doctor nicknames.” His smirk just widens.

“You’re looking hotter than usual in that pencil skirt sunshine, no wonder we all spill our guts to you.” I narrow my eyes at his ridiculous comment. Tony tended to make inappropriate comments towards me when he knew things were about to get serious. I was dressed no differently than any other day I was working. A black pencil skirt and green silk blouse to bring out the emerald color of my eyes. My honey brown colored hair fell in waves to my mid back. No need for pantyhose with my naturally olive colored skin. 

“We need to talk Stark. Time to put your big boy undies on now.” His smirk fades away, eyes wandering somewhere far away from here. He groans loudly. 

“You’re here about Barne’s.” I raise a brow in surprise. “You really think Friday wouldn’t inform me of any conversation involving that bastard?” Of course, he already knew, paranoid ass probably had every room in this place bugged.

“Not to be totally cliché here Tony but how exactly does that make you feel?” He laughs humorlessly before looking at me with a rare intensity.

“How the hell do you think I feel about it Annie?” He was the only one I allowed to call me that. Liya I could deal with, but Annie was just plain terrible. I take a moment before answering him.

“Pissed off that Steve would even consider bringing him here and scared that the Avengers will get ripped apart again?” He gives me a look that clearly means that he agrees with my assessment. “And I think deep down in that glowing blue reactor in your chest you feel guilty for the way everything went down between the three of you.” His glare is meant to cut through me, a sneer almost painting his face now.

“You’re too logical to let your emotions completely control you Tony. I can’t even imagine how you feel knowing that James Barnes is the man that killed your parents, but you have to get that it wasn’t his fault.” I can tell he’s on the verge of exploding, I don’t really blame him. No matter what he still watched a video of Steve’s best friend murdering his parents violently. Nothing would get rid of that image. “I know you’re angry, but you know what Hydra is capable of, it wasn’t his fault Tony. He’s a broken man completely lost in time with little memory of his actual life which took place in world war two. I can’t imagine what he’s going through, the amount of pain and guilt that he’s carrying with him now that he’s starting to get the pieces of himself back. He needs help, he deserves help, he deserves a chance to live an actual life.” Tony sighs loudly and runs his hands over his face.

“You have far too much faith in a man that you don’t even know. How the hell were you ever a spy? Your naivety knows no bounds.” I just stare blankly back at him. “If he even so much as looks at me in the wrong way I will chop his other arm off and shove it right up his fucked up brainwashed ass. You and Captain Righteousness better keep a short leash on your new pet project.” I smile victoriously before jumping up and kissing a stubbled cheek. 

“If it ends up being too much on you Tony you come to me. I will talk to you day or night, you know that?” He waves me off without another word. I know that this is going to be hard on Tony, I don’t want him to feel as if we are all turning against him by bringing Bucky here.  
I make my way back down to my office. I wish the Avengers compound was smaller, but we’ve got a lot going on in this place. I unlock my door completely not surprised to find a figure seated in a chair across from my desk. 

“You could just make an appointment like everyone else Nat, or at least wait until I’m in my office instead of breaking in. I really gotta talk to Tony about upping the security in here.” The widow smiles tight lipped. She’s my closest friend, like a sister. She took me under her wing, trained me, opened up to me. 

 

“How’d the talk with Stark go?” I shouldn’t be surprised that Steve had already spoken to her, they’d become close. It made me so happy that she was finally letting people in. 

“Better than expected actually. Obviously he isn’t thrilled but he’s allowing him to come here.” She nods thoughtfully. 

“I want you to be careful. Even if Barne’s isn’t the Winter Soldier anymore he’s still damaged goods Aneliya. You tend to throw yourself head first into new assignments, you’ll give all of yourself to save someone. Don’t get lost and dragged down because of him.” She sounds cold but I know its genuine concern that has her saying this. I just don’t really agree with her words. 

“Damaged goods, really Nat? He’s hardly more fucked up than the rest of us.” She sighs loudly.

“Barnes is unpredictable. There aren’t many people that I can’t hold my own against but he’s strong, he’s fast, he’s calculating…he’s probably got the worst case of PTSD ever. He’s lost, broken, and has Steve Rogers backing him up.” I really am not understanding her point here. She just described pretty much the entire Avengers team. Her eyes meet mine and she exhales loudly. “You’ve wanted to meet him since the moment Steve told you about him. You’ve spent countless hours studying the man, you’ve been waiting for this moment. It scares the shit out of me.” I roll my eyes at my red headed friend before laughing.

“I’m going to be fine малък паяк . It’s my job to help people. He’s one of us, well he will be.” She smiles when I speak Bulgarian. Russian and Bulgarian aren’t too terribly different. We could both speak both languages but I myself am a Bulgarian American.

“Just promise me you’ll be careful with him ok? He’s beautiful and broken, that’s a lethal mix for you Жнец.” I glare at my overprotective friend.

“Yes mom I promise and don’t call me reaper anymore. I’m a lover, not a fighter.” She scoffs loudly. 

“Keep the scythes handy woman, I’ll feel better knowing they’re nearby.” My weapon of choice used to be two small scythes earning me the stupid nickname of the reaper. 

We both leave my office after a few minutes and head to the floors that housed us all. Nat and I were on the same floor. I head to my own suite. I’m in desperate need of a good night’s rest. My bedroom is all royal blue and gold. I change quickly into a pair of yoga pants and a black tank top. Luckily for once sleep takes me quickly. Unfortunately, a nightmare has me waking a little after three a.m. Nightmares plagued me less and less lately but still were an issue. I had my own demons because of my line of work. 

I pull my hair up out of my face and decide to head to the upper level where we all shared a large living area and kitchen. I had my own small kitchen but preferred to go upstairs, more of a selection of tea and snacks. I exit the elevator surprised to hear low voices speaking and the lights on. I recognize one of the voices instantly. 

“Steve?” I turn the corner expecting to see Steve and maybe Tony our resident insomniac. Instead I’m faced with Steve and the imposing form of one James Buchanan Barnes. He’s dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants and a dark red t shirt that looks a tad too small. His hair reaches just slightly below his shoulder, facial hair a little thicker than stubble. Natasha wasn’t kidding when she said he was beautiful. Steve looks surprised to see me but smiles warmly nonetheless. I see more life in his eyes than I have since I’ve known him, I’m assuming it has something to do with the man sitting to his left. I feel a little embarrassed to be looking so casual in my sleepwear, barefoot, lack of makeup, and messy ponytail. 

“What are you doing up this late Liya?” Concern crosses his face; his friend is watching me closely probably trying to figure out exactly who I am and if I’m a threat. 

“Nightmares, figured id come get a cup of the good tea and watch some shitty tv.” He chuckles and looks to his friend who only stares back questioningly.

“Oh gosh I’m sorry. Buck this is Aneliya Angelov, I told you about her on the phone. Liya this is Bucky.” Blue grey eyes dart to mine. I smile at the man in front of me, genuinely happy that he’s here. He nods his head in acknowledgment. 

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m going to make a quick cup of tea. Mind if I join you two? I don’t want to intrude.” I keep eye contact with the wary looking man. Steve looks ready to answer for him before Bucky opens his mouth, 

“I don’t mind at all ma’am. That alright with you Steve?” Steve looks at me with a mixture of shock and amazement. I hide a smile behind my hand. 

“Yea of course Buck. Go ahead and make your tea Liya.” I do just that. My mind is racing, and heart is beating quickly in excitement. It already seems as if Bucky has made leaps and bounds in progress since the last time Steve saw him. Maybe I should make a trip to Wakanda myself. I head back to the two men with a tea mug in hand. I take a seat on the couch across from them.  
Everyone sits silently for a few moments, Steve’s eyes dart from myself to Bucky seeming to be at a loss for words. I let out a loud laugh startling the two men. 

“I can’t handle awkward silences, you should know this by now Stevie.” This makes him smile. I even see Bucky’s lips turn up at the corners a little. “How was the trip here Sergeant Barnes?” He seems surprised that I’m speaking to him again and a little put off. 

“Just call me Bucky ma’am. I’m not a huge fan of flying so I just tried to sleep.” Another shocked look from Steve. Maybe he only though Bucky would speak to him. 

“I’ll call you Bucky if you stop with that ma’am nonsense. I appreciate your politeness, but I’d prefer you call me by my name or Liya like most everyone does.” A slight raise of his lips again.

“Alright, Aneliya then. You sure don’t look like any shrink I’ve ever seen.” He gives me a once over, obviously getting a look at the few visible tattoos he can see on me. Steve actually chokes on his drink. I laugh at his reaction to his friend’s statement. I guess Bucky’s old personality must be surfacing, I don’t think Steve expected that. 

“Well I’m much more put together in the day time when I’m working.” He’s staring at my left arm in interest. 

“That a pirate on your arm there?” I turn to the left a little to give him a better look at my upper arm,

“Sure is. Badass pirate chick. Could have been me in a past life.” This time he actually does smile. Steve is still stunned into silence. 

“Never seen a dame with tattoos like that.” He sounds impressed. I’m used to the old-fashioned lingo thanks to Steve. He’s studying the large scythe on my upper right arm as well.  
“Liya is something else that’s for sure. She’s amazing at her job Buck. I mean she’s gotten Natasha and I to open up to her like it was the easiest thing in the world.” Bucky tenses up at Steve’s words. His expression darkens. I try to ease the tension. 

“I’d love to talk to you Bucky, if you’re up to it of course. I don’t want you to feel pressured into it at all. We wouldn’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to. My day is completely open tomorrow.” I keep my voice calm and upbeat. I keep eye contact with the soldier the whole time.  
He just looks at me for a long moment, searching for something that I’m not quite sure of. 

“Sometime after breakfast ok?” Steve relaxes noticeably. I can’t help the huge smile that makes its way onto my face. 

“How about elevenish? Should give you some time to get things done in the morning.” He agrees on the time and I bid the guys goodnight.  
I have a feeling that Bucky arriving is going to change everything for all of us…for me.


	2. Angel Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You have this power over me  
> And there's no way to fight it  
> I cant help but gravitate towards you,  
> This is a force I can't defeat" Angel Eyes by New Years Day

Chapter 2  
I rub the sleep from my eyes while I slowly make my way to the shower. Seven a.m. came entirely too quickly today. It doesn’t take me long to shower and get myself ready for the day. My outfit today is a navy blue colored skirt and cream colored long sleeved blouse and pumps. I let my hair stay down in its natural waves.  
I heat up a microwavable breakfast bowl because I really didn’t feel like cooking this morning. I was nervous but excited for the day ahead. Today would be Bucky’s first session with me. I almost spill my glass of milk when a loud voice intrudes on my quiet breakfast.

“Miss Angelov, Mr. Stark is at your door.” I toss my bowl in the trash as I go to welcome Tony in. 

He looks rough. Obviously hasn’t slept or showered, his hair is messy, he’s still wearing yesterday’s clothes. I step aside and let him walk into my suite. He takes a beer from my fridge without asking and takes a seat at my small table in the kitchen. 

“A little early to be drinking isn’t it Tony?” I sit across from him. He flips me off and takes a sip from the glass bottle. 

“I go to grab a coffee this morning and guess who’s rifling through my god damn cupboards?” I don’t answer knowing that he’s about to go on a very animated rant. “That homicidal winter bitch that’s who!” He takes another large drink. “I knew he was coming but I didn’t expect him to be eating my fucking food and humming Bing Crosby! I figured id be able to ignore and avoid the man for a good few months at least. He’s supposed to be an angst filled guilt ridden mute right now, like he was the last time I saw him.” I just blink slowly at Tony for a few moments to make sure he’s done. 

“I know this is going to be a big adjustment, this is going to be hard. I’m glad you came to me.” He seems to sense that I have more to say because he stays uncharacteristically quiet. “You had to know you couldn’t completely avoid him for months Ton, you live in the same building, only a couple floors apart. Everyone uses the kitchen and living room on that floor. You don’t have to be his friend right now Tony, you don’t have to forgive him, but avoidance just isn’t realistic in this situation. You’re an arrogant pain in the ass but you’re a good man. You’re going to get through this, I’m going to get you through this.” He puts his head in his hands and sighs.

“How the hell does a twenty eight year old sound so wise all the time?” I smile softly and ruffle his hair as I walk past him to make a pot of coffee. 

“Clearly I’m just a badass Stark.” He laughs and shakes his head; his voice turns serious again in a second though.

“Do you really think you can help Barne’s Annie?” I take the now empty beer bottle from him and set a cup of coffee in front of him instead. I squeeze his shoulder.

“I really hope I can. He’s much less quiet than I expected. If Steve believes in him the way he does than I have to believe in him too.” I’m not sure if Tony really took in anything I said but he acknowledges me with a nod of his head. He stands and stretches. 

“Thanks for the mini session sunshine, no need to bill me, I’ll just deposit the money into your account.” I roll my eyes and walk him to my door. “If you need anything at all…if something happens with Barnes do not hesitate to call me or ya know just chop his head off with one of those scythes of yours.” He laughs while I push him out the door. 

I head to my office to do some paperwork and update some files. Time gets away from me and before I know it my secretary is informing me that my eleven o’clock appointment has arrived. I take a deep breath before going to greet Bucky. 

I almost trip over my own feet when I take in the man’s appearance today. He’s wearing a black Henley with the sleeves rolled up and a pair of dark washed jeans. His face is now clean shaven, and his long hair is tucked behind his ears. Dear god he was gorgeous! I stop my ridiculous train of thought and smile and gesture for him to follow me back to my office. I sit behind my desk and he takes a seat across from me. 

I made sure my office was welcoming when I decorated it. Large plush chairs and beautiful paintings. I have an entire wall covered by bookshelves. My walls are a warm brown. I almost always have a diffuser going, today it smells like lilacs. 

“You look like a completely different person today doll.” I don’t get flustered easily but something about the way his voice sounded saying doll had my cheeks warming. “Not to say you didn’t look good last night, you did, you just clean up real nice.” He stumbles over his words and I feel my blush deepen.

“Thanks Bucky, you do too.” His smile damn near kills me. Maybe Nat was right to worry about me. How the hell did she know id be attracted to him so quickly? I clear my throat and try to focus on what I’m actually supposed to be doing here. “So how are you settling in so far?”

He sits back in his chair. “Uh, pretty good so far I guess. Steve’s being a little overbearing, but I expected that. I ran into Stark this morning, he looked like he wanted to strangle me.” His voice lowers at the end, laced with guilt.

“Hey, Don’t get discouraged by Tony. He was willing to let you come here and that’s huge. He’s going to need some time to adjust but I really think it will all end up ok. And Steve is a mother hen in general, I’m sure he’s worse with you because he cares about you so much.” Bucky keeps eye contact the whole time. His body language is not that of a defeated man. I’m very pleasantly surprised by how well he seems.

“He’s always been a punk. A real pain in the ass when he wants to be.” I laugh at his comment.

“I hope I’m not being intrusive here, but Steve’s told me that in the past you were having memory problems. Is that still an issue for you?” He looks a little uncomfortable that our conversation has become more serious, but he still answers.

“A lot has started coming back to me in these last few months but I’m still missing some big chunks of time. Sometimes I wake up from a nightmare and can’t even remember my own name.” He sounds lost now, eyes not holding my gaze for long.

“I hope that our sessions can help you regain some of things you’ve forgotten. Our brains are powerful things, we can block out painful memories to protect ourselves. And you were conditioned to forget anything personal, to be dehumanized. It may take some time to get you to a place where you feel safe and comfortable enough to regain all you’ve lost.” He seems to be hanging onto my every word. He wants help, that’s incredibly encouraging. 

“You said last night that you had a nightmare…does that happen to you a lot too?” He needs some kind of connection, wants to know that I’m a real person and not just some overpaid asshole who doesn’t care.

“Yes unfortunately. Its getting better though.” I can tell he wants to ask more but that 1940’s gentleman in him is holding him back. “I was a spy before SHIELD fell. Real deep ops kind of stuff, Natasha Romanov and I got paired up quite a bit. I’ve seen a lot of really bad shit. I’ve caused a lot of pain, I was naïve enough to believe I was doing it all for the right reasons, for the right people. Obviously, that wasn’t the case at all. So now I’m trying to make amends as best I can. I have the ability to do good, that’s all I want.” Blue grey eyes soften considerably.

“You are doing good Aneliya. Not many people would be willing to sit across from the winter soldier and try to help him. You’ve got a hell of a lot of faith in humanity if you think there’s any hope for me.” It saddens me that he doesn’t seem to think that there is hope for him.  
I move to sit next to him without really thinking. I reach forward and take his left hand in mine. He flinches and moves to yank his hand away. I hold tightly to his metal hand, its surprisingly warm. 

“I’ve spent way too many hours reading about you and listening to Steve’s stories about you to believe that you’re a lost cause. You were an amazing man who got tortured by an army of psychopaths. What happened to you, what they did to you, what they made you do…it wasn’t your fault. You might not ever be the man you were before all of this, but I absolutely believe that you will be no less remarkable than you were back then. You’re going to do amazing things with your life Bucky Barne’s.” I swear I see moisture gathering in his eyes, he swallows and runs his right hand through his long hair. 

“You’re doing real wonders for my ego here Ангел. Steve’s right, you are something else.” I don’t let on that I understood that he called me angel in Russian. It finally registers that I still haven’t let go of his metal hand. It’s strangely beautiful, smooth plates of silver inlaid with lines of gold. This must have been a gift from the King of Wakanda since last I heard Tony had blasted off his arm. I wonder if its made of the highly sought after Vibranium the country was famous for. Bucky’s gaze follows mine to our intertwined hands.

“Can you feel that?” I don’t know why I’m speaking so quietly and still grasping his hand.

“It’s different than my real arm but I can pick up on some pressure and the warmth, definitely more than I could with the old one.” I pull my hand away from him gently. I’ve already crossed some kind of boundary with him and it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since we met. “So you did a little bit of studying up on me did ya?” He sounds pleased. Steve always said Bucky was a real charmer back in their time. I cant help but smile at his boyish grin. 

“A bit more than a little. I was downright smitten with you and your story Sarge.” It’s his turn to blush this time. Something in his eyes seems to darken at the fact that I called him Sarge. One thing he’d learn about me is that I’m in no way shy. 

“Gotta warn a guy before you go spoutin off pretty words like that doll.” I giggle, actually giggle at the fact that his Brooklyn accent is coming through the more comfortable he becomes. 

“I’ll watch my words next time, would hate to give the old man a heart attack after all.” He chuckles for the first time in the small period I’ve known him. 

“I don’t know if I’ve ever met a dame quite like you.” I’m trying to ignore the butterflies he’s causing me to have. He’s supposed to be my patient not someone to flirt with. When was the last time I felt this amount of attraction for a man? 

“I’m sure you used to say that to all the women.” I’m getting lost in his eyes, I’m crossing into dangerous territory here. 

“I remember enough to know that I never once said that to any of them dancehall dames.” Am I hearing things or is his voice suddenly raspier? He’s going to cause my moral compass to completely change directions. 

I stand suddenly and walk back to my place behind my desk. I needed to put some physical distance between us or I was going to make a complete ass of myself. “I think we should meet at least two or three times a week for now, I’ve got a good feeling that you’re going to have very little trouble moving forward.” He smiles widely, a sight that almost leaves me breathless. This man will be the death of me, I can already tell. 

“Sounds good to me. You wanna grab some lunch with me and Steve?” I agree to his request more enthusiastically than I should. 

I am royally fucked, that’s all there is to it. Bucky Barnes is going to completely destroy my sense of right and wrong. He’s just as lethal as Nat warned just in an entirely different kind of way.


	3. Waiting, Anticipating, and Pacing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be a peach and leave me a review wont you pretty please?
> 
> "Blue jeans, white shirt  
> Walked into the room you know you made my eyes burn  
> It was like James Dean, for sure  
> You're so fresh to death and sick as ca-cancer" Blue jeans by Lana Del Rey

Chapter 3  
We take the elevator down to the employee cafeteria. You really think Tony Stark wouldn’t make this like a second Stark tower? I didn’t even know what half the employees in this building did. I try very hard to keep my eyes trained ahead of me to not openly stare at the handsome man next to me, though I’m pretty sure I feel his eyes on me.

Making our way to the cafeteria has become an interesting ordeal. Most of the people passing us are doing double takes. I hear the whir of something electronic…maybe mechanical? This time I do look at my companion. I notice his Vibranium hand is clenched tightly in a fist. Oh, that was his arm making that sound. I wrap my hand around his fist causing him to unclench it, His eyes meet mine. We’ve come to a stop not far from the cafeteria.

“What’s wrong Bucky?” He looks pained, gulps visibly before answering.

“All the people staring…I hate that all they see is a monster.” What? I look over his shoulder and again notice a few people looking a little longer than necessary at him….they’re women, women hiding giggles behind their hands. I can’t help it, I double over in laughter. Bucky’s expression is a mixture of hurt and confusion. I shake my head in amusement.

“You ridiculous man.” A raise of an eyebrow is all the response I get from him. “They aren’t staring at you because you’re a big bad assassin. They’re staring because…well…” Still he’s completely silent and lost looking as I gesture with my arms up and down. He can’t really be this clueless. The Bucky Barnes Steve had told me about was absolutely aware of what a charming attractive man he was. “Have you looked in the mirror lately Sarge? I mean the world war two pictures of you with that handsome smile on your face were bad enough but now you’re all broody and have that hair and the muscles.” He just blinks slowly, blank faced for a moment before the biggest shit eating grin tugs up that pouty mouth of his and I think I’m actually swooning.

“Is it the muscles that do it for ya doll?” That low purr of his should be illegal. This must be the Bucky of the forties shining through again. I answer without thinking, a bad habit of mine, a lack of filter.

“That and the metal arm I think.” I’m taken aback by my own words, not that they were untrue. His eyes blow wide and dark, suddenly looking strangely stormy, far too intense. 

“Hey Buck, Liya! C’mon lets get some lunch.” The sound of Steve’s cheerful voice breaks the spell of whatever the hell was just going on there. I walk past Bucky quickly, hear the low murmur of опасная женщина (dangerous woman) and try to push the blush from my face as I greet Steve. 

We all grab some cold cuts and sit at an empty table, before long Natasha is slipping into the chair besides me. 

“Вы посмотрите из него” (You look out of it) I glare at my friend. The men look instantly interested. Bucky of course speaks Russian and is about to find out I do as well, instead I answer her back in Bulgarian. It was just how conversations between us happened sometimes.

“Гледай си собствен бизнес Natalia.”(Mind your own business) Not often did I use her true name. She laughs in that raspy way of hers. Steve looks confused, Bucky intrigued. 

“You speak Bulgarian?” I nod my head at the man. 

“Have you heard my name?” He smiles warmly, I refuse to turn into a puddle of goo. 

“А ты говоришь по-русски?” (And you speak Russian) If its possible he sounds even better using a foreign language. 

“Да. Большинство славянских языков” (yes, most of the Slavic languages.) 

“So you better be careful what you say Barnes.” I bump Nat’s shoulder playfully at her quip.

Small talk breaks out among all of us. I’m grateful that Natasha seems to be giving Bucky a chance, she’s talking to him just like he’s anyone of us. It’s not long before Nat’s phone is ringing. She ends the call with an “understood.” She stands as gracefully as ever.

“Have to come with me Barne’s. Facilities doc wants to see you.” Steve stiffens and stands when Bucky does. Bucky shoots an annoyed look Steve’s way but he doesn’t seem to notice. 

“Hey Stevie there’s something I gotta talk to you about.” He’s about to protest when Bucky reaches out and squeezes his shoulder. 

“I’ll be fine punk, stay here and talk with Aneliya.” I can tell he’s grateful for me intervening.  
A small wave and him and Nat are on their way. I may or may not notice how nicely those jeans fit him as he walks away. I turn back around and meet the expectant blue eyes of the captain.

“What’d you need to talk about Liya?” He’s anxious to run after his friend. I snort and shake my head. 

“Stevie you’re smothering the poor guy. He’s not a little kid, you have to trust him to do things on his own.” A loud groan and he’s running a hand over his face.

“He thinks I’m being smothering?” I laugh at his apologetic tone. He’s too good for this world.

“Sweetie, you just can’t help it, it’s in your nature.” A scoff is the only response he gives to my sugary sweet tone. 

“I didn’t expect this you know? He’s so different than the last time I saw him. He’s so close to the old Bucky…but not. He’s more cynical and unsure of himself. He told me he barely sleeps, he can’t stand himself. I’m scared that if I back off I’ll lose him, that all of this is just a front to make us all feel better.” My heart aches for Steve. He really loves Bucky, he’s his family in every way that matters.

“I know you’re scared Steve but I really believe that he’s doing OK. He’s not homicidal, he’s not suicidal. He’s going to struggle but all we can do is support him as best we can. We have to give him a chance to live his life. We can’t treat him like a time-bomb, he doesn’t deserve that, whatever happened in Wakanda did wonders for him obviously. I just met him yesterday but he doesn’t even seem remotely like the shell of a man you described to me six months ago. I’m going to help him, OK?” Steve Rogers had a hell of a smile when he was truly happy, he was a great friend.

“Thanks’ Liya, you always know just what to say.” I kick him under the table playfully.

“That’s why Tony pays me the big bucks Stevie.” We laugh together. 

“So uh, what were you and Bucky talking about out in the hallway earlier? You guys were standing there for a while.” My cheeks burn red instantly and Steve raises an eyebrow. “Are you blushing?” I don’t blush damnit! What the hell was that man doing to me? I glare at the blonde. “Oh c’mon Liya you can talk to me too ya know?” He was right, he had always been a good friend and confidant. I also knew that my reaction was just driving him crazy with curiosity. 

“You better keep this conversation to your damn self you got it Rogers?” He nods in affirmation. I sigh loudly trying to prepare myself for this conversation. “Nat was worried about me taking Bucky on as a patient…its like she knew…” Confusion marks his face, he’s as clueless as his buddy. 

“Knew what?” He apparently couldn’t handle my silence.

“Knew that I would…that I’d be…that Bucky would…that I’d think he was…” I hate this, I really couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. I didn’t do stupid silly instant attraction bullshit. I hadn’t gotten attached to a man in almost ten years. Nat said I was too picky. I thought I was too until James Barnes showed up here. Even while studying him there was a pull, something my red headed friend had apparently picked up on. Something seems to click in Steve’s head because his eyes widen and he’s flashing that apple pie smile of his.

“Oh. You like Bucky!” I shh him and kick him none too nicely this time. “That’s great Liya! Perfect actually!” I kick him again. “Ow! What’s so wrong with that?” I shoot him an are you stupid kind of look. 

“I’m supposed to be his therapist! You’re the one that was all worried about him five minutes ago, wondering if he’s actually doing alright. I don’t want to complicate his already complicated life Steve, I refuse to screw up his progress.” He’s still smiling, almost smugly. 

“Maybe it’ll help his progress. He deserves to live his life right? And lord knows you deserve happiness. I’ve never seen you interested in anyone before. This is seriously great Liya.” My mouth drops open.

“What the fuck Steve!? You’re supposed to be the voice of reason. Aren’t you supposed to be more worried about your friend here? Relationships mess with people’s emotions big time, it could completely stall his progress or cause him to snap, it could be too much for him.” My voice is rising making Steve laugh. 

“Or it could be exactly what he needs to feel normal again, to know that someone can still care about him that way.” I’m well aware that I’m gaping at him like a damn carp opening and closing my mouth at a loss for words.

“Who even says he’s interested in me in anyway? He doesn’t know me.” He rolls his eyes and continues to smile like a big jerk.

“He hasn’t been able to keep his eyes off you anytime you’ve been in the room. The second you left last night he asked me a million questions about you.” I’m fucking blushing again. My heart is racing. This was bad wasn’t it? “Stop trying to talk yourself out of whatever you’re feeling. This could be a really good thing for both of you. There’s no other woman I’d ever approve of for my best friend Liya.” Why does that bring tears to my eyes? It shouldn’t warm my heart so much. 

“It’s just too fast. We barely know each other, this is silly.” My voice is sounding weaker even to my own ears. 

“Sometimes you just know. The first time I laid eyes on Sharon I knew she was special. I invited her over and barely knew her.” I groan and lay my head on the table. 

“What the hell do I do Stevie?” Wasn’t I supposed to be the therapist here? I lightly bang my head against the table making my friend chuckle. I never lift my head up out of sheer embarrassment over this entire situation. 

“Well I think maybe you should take the initiative here. He’ll probably think he isn’t good enough to even really try anything with you.” I moan in protest again. 

“I’m supposed to make a move on the one-hundred-year-old former assassin?” I’m on a roll with making cap laugh today. 

“You’ve never been shy before, why start now? It’s kind of nice to be the one giving advice for once.” I lift my hand up just enough to flip him off. 

“What kind of advice ya handin out punk?” It sit straight up at the sound of Bucky’s voice. I must look like a deer in headlights because Steve is clutching his stomach he’s laughing so hard. 

“Fuck off Rogers.” Bucky takes his seat back next to Steve. Where the hell is Nat when I need her? 

“Natasha wanted me to tell ya she had to take an unexpected trip and she’d call you tonight.” Did he read my damn mind? I force myself to stand up.

“Well as fun as this has been boys I have to get back to work. Believe it or not my expertise can be used on more than just ancient super soldiers.” Is that disappointment I see in those stormy eyes of Sergeant Barnes.

“Why don’t you come by for dinner tonight Liya? We can order from that Thai place you like and show Buck here the wonders of Netflix.” I could punch Steve Rogers right in his ken doll looking face. But then I see a spark of hopein Bucky’s expression and I can’t say no.

“Fine Rogers, you’re lucky you’re only a floor away. See you later geezers.” I turn away quickly before I can get sucked back into conversation. I should have kept my mouth shut, Steve wasn’t going to let this go. 

Who was I kidding? Of course I wanted to see Bucky later. Maybe he’d flirt with me again…maybe I’d flirt back.


	4. Look Me in the Eyes Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think I might've inhaled you  
> I can feel you behind my eyes  
> You've gotten into my bloodstream  
> I can feel you flowing in me"  
> Bloodstream by Stateless

I try really hard to focus on my work, I really do, but I just can’t stop thinking about the breathy tone of Bucky’s voice earlier. I’ve got it bad, how did that happen? Did I really become that enamored with him before we ever met? I spent a lot of time learning about James Barnes after Steve started speaking about him. After visiting the Smithsonian, it became a little bit of an obsession for me. This gorgeous soldier in all those black and white photos, heroic as all hell, and tragic beyond words. I was a goner before I ever saw him in all his broody gloriousness. 

Time seems to drag today but before I know it I’m back in my room changing into something more casual than my work attire. I put on a pair of little black athletic shorts and a red tank top. I pull my hair up into a messy bun and feel infinitely more comfortable. I figure looking casual is a better idea for tonight. It’s not like I’m going on a date, just going to hang out with some friends. My phone goes off a little after six informing me that Steve had just ordered the food and I should make my way up to his and now Bucky’s floor. 

I’m fighting back nerves after I make the short trek to their living quarters. Before I can knock the door swings open, a huge smile on Steve’s face. He welcomes me inside before pulling me into a hug. It’s not an odd thing for him to do but we did just see each other earlier in the day. I hear an annoyed sounding huff behind Steve that I’m assuming is Bucky. 

“I’m going to head out to pick up the food in just a minute. There’s a bottle of wine in the fridge if you want a glass Liya.” I smile at his cheery tone as I walk around him and towards his small kitchen.

With Steve no longer standing in front of me I now have a full view of Bucky as he does of me. His eyes rake over my body in a none to subtle way, staring a little longer than necessary at my legs. And if that alone didn’t make my heart speed up the sight of him in tight fitting wife beater and low slung sweat pants really does me in. I can see the obvious outline of very toned abs and that mans arms! Or should I say arm? Although the metal one is shaped to duplicate a well muscled arm…is it twisted how attractive I find the Vibranium limb? He looks as if he just got out of the shower, his long hair is still damp. I take a deep breath and force myself to keep moving towards the refrigerator. He still hasn’t said a word to me as I pass right by him but I can swear I feel eyes on me. 

Steve had already removed the cork from the chilled bottle of Moscato for me, ever the gentleman. “You’re a man after my own heart Steve Rogers! Thank you for supporting my wine habit even though you can’t enjoy the affects yourself.” When I turn back around I jump almost right out of my own skin and drop the bottle of wine because Bucky is so close I almost smack right into his broad chest. “Holy shit Bucky!” I expect to hear breaking glass but instead a metal hand is gripping the neck of the wine bottle. Super soldier reflexes I guess. “You scared the hell out of me, make some noise or something when you come walking up on someone.” He’s so close to me I have to crane my neck to meet his eyes. 

“Sorry doll, moving quietly just comes naturally.” I snatch the wine bottle from his hand with narrowed eyes. That infuriatingly attractive grin turns up his lips at my annoyance. I pour myself a glass of the white wine and return the bottle to the fridge. 

Steve announces that he’s going to pick our food up. Bucky follows me to the couch and sits down close enough that I can feel the heat radiating off him. Is he intentionally trying to get to me? 

“You know in mine and Steve’s day you would never see a dame wearing shorts that tiny.” I snort out a laugh.

“Yea well us modern women like being cool in the summer and can wear whatever we feel like without being judged too harshly.” I take a big gulp of my wine and angle myself so I’m facing more towards Bucky even though I’m honestly scared if I keep looking at him this closely I might do something stupid.

“God bless the twenty first century.” I can’t help but bust up at that. He’s smiling broadly, looking pleased with himself. 

“I’m really glad you seem to be doing so well you know? Steve was so worried about you, I honestly didn’t know what to expect when he told me you were coming here.” The smile wipes from his face. He’s silent for a moment but holds my gaze with an intensity that’s hard to look away from. 

“I don’t know if I’d say I’m doin well exactly…but I’m free.” He’s speaking quietly, a little shaky. “I’m free for the first time in over seventy years and I can’t just throw that away. After everything Steve’s been through thinkin I was dead and then findin out what really happened…he feels guilty, he feels responsible for all that bullshit and I know that if I sit here and shut down and freak out like I feel I’m gonna most of the time it will tear him apart. He’ll blame himself if he sees me like that and I just can’t do that to him. I remember him, I remember so much of our lives growin up now, he’s my family. Even after everything I’ve done he refuses to give up on me so if I give up on myself it would be like a slap to the face. I won’t put him through any more pain, I don’t want to hurt anyone ever again.” I’m on the verge of tears. He and Steve have the kind of friendship most people never experience. 

I don’t think before I do it but I’m suddenly wrapping my arms around Bucky and burying my face into the juncture of his neck and shoulder. I feel and hear him inhale deeply. He stiffens for the briefest moment before his strong arms are squeezing me right back. He’s warm and smells like a mixture of sandalwood and metal, its ridiculously alluring. 

“You’re an amazing man James Barnes.” I pull away from him slowly, not really wanting to. Instead I take his metal hand in mine and stay close. “I want you to know you really can talk to me. I don’t want you to internalize everything just because you don’t want to hurt Steve. You don’t have to make an appointment you can just call or show up at my door, I don’t care if its two in the morning, I want to help you so please don’t hide all your pain from me. You deserve to be happy.” His eyes are swimming with some kind of emotion I can’t name. He looks down to our intertwined hands and gives me a squeeze. 

“This thing really doesn't bother you?” I don’t think he knows how to respond to all I said and I’m ok with that because he looks like he was hanging on to my every word and I know one day it will be easier for him to speak his mind. It’s my turn to grin at him.

“I think I already told you this morning in not so many words exactly how much it doesn’t bother me.” Blue eyes are darkening dangerously and I dare to inch closer.

“You’re killin me here sweetheart.” That smooth voice is barely above a whisper. I can’t stop staring at those plump lips of his. 

“Dinner has arrived!” Steve’s cheerful voice and the slam of the door makes us jump apart. Bucky runs his hands through his hair and groans out ебать (fuck). Tell me about it. Steve has some awful timing. 

I get up quickly to assist Steve with getting all the cartons of food out of the bags and opening them. “I ordered pretty much everything since I’m pretty sure Buck’s never had Thai before.” There’s enough food to feed a small army here but I guess you probably need that much when feeding super soldiers and I’m sure not complaining. All three of us pile our plates way too high with food.

We decide to watch Ace Ventura and its an obvious hit because the two men just can’t stop laughing. They banter back and forth and talk about their childhoods for hours on end. I’ve never seen Steve so full of joy and it warms my heart to be a witness. I’m almost positive there’s no one else on earth that deserves happiness more than these two men. They’d both sacrificed so much. 

“We should all go to Coney Island sometime, the whole team. It’s one thing that time hasn’t completely destroyed.” Steve sounds so enthusiastic. 

“I remember us having some real good times there.” Bucky’s smiling fondly, remembering days long past.

“Was your favorite place to take whatever girl you were seeing at the time.” They both chuckle. 

“Who doesn’t like being won a teddy bear? Worked every time.” I scoff and roll my eyes at the two men playfully. “Don’t worry doll I’ll win you the biggest one there and then I’ll take ya on the wonder wheel.” He winks dramatically at me making Steve laugh. 

“I might be harder to impress than those starry eyed girls of the forties Sarge.” There’s something about me calling him that always causes his eyes to blow wide.

My phone chimes loudly, it’s Natasha. “Excuse me for a sec boys.” I leave the room and walk into the bathroom to take the phone call. 

“Hey Nat!”

“I’m sorry I left today without saying bye Liya. Got some field work I’m doing for Stark that couldn’t really wait.” I can tell from her tone of voice that she won’t elaborate right now, she never truly trusted a phone line to be secure.

“Its fine. Steve and Bucky are keeping me company.” She huffs loudly.

“Of course they are. So you boning Barne’s yet?” I’d kick her if she was here.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Not that I wouldn’t, not that I haven’t thought about it. 

“It’s not ridiculous, its inevitable. Let me know when it happens so I can kick his ass and threaten to slit his throat accordingly.” Was the attraction really that noticeable?

“Whatever you say mom. I’m going to go back to what I was doing now. Stay safe and text me later.” She laughs before hanging up. 

I open the bathroom door and almost scream because of course Bucky is standing right outside silent as ever. I smack his chest and prepare to give him a verbal beating but he’s pushing me into the room and trapping me between his arms and the wall. My breath hitches when my back hits the wall. The look he’s giving me is downright sinful. Well this was unexpected.

Now that he’s got me in this position he seems lost. He’s breathing hard but completely silent. Maybe Steve was right and I do need to take the initiative. Despite that I still think I should give Bucky the control here since he’s went far too long without it. I speak quietly and keep my eyes trained on his. “What do you want right now Bucky?” I sound breathier than I intended. He swallows visibly when I lick my lips.

“Nothin I deserve to have.” I reach a hand out slowly to cup his cheek. His eyes close as he pushes into my touch. 

“You deserve everything.” I say it with resolve and it breaks his. 

His lips are soft and warm and more than I could’ve hoped for. He’s passionate and intense and so very him. I tangle my hands into his hair when he grasps my hips. I give his hair a slight tug and the low moan he makes shoots right through me. It’s me that pushes my tongue into his mouth, it earns me another wicked sound and he pulls me flush against him. A loud cough from Steve in the other room has Bucky separating himself from me. We both know he was doing it to remind us of his presence.

“Was it alright that I did that doll?” He’s unsure of himself and a little out of breath.

“Yes. In fact, I think you should definitely do it again sometime very soon.” He chuckles and presses a quick peck to the top of my head.

“We better get back to that punk in there before he tries to embarrass the hell outta me.” We’re both smiling like idiots. I almost don’t care that Steve’s in the other room.  
Everything was going to change now and for the first time in my life I couldn’t be happier about that.


	5. Never Let Me Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And the arms of the ocean are carrying me  
> And all this devotion was rushing over me  
> And the questions I have for a sinner like me  
> But the arms of the ocean deliver me" Never Let Me Go by Florence and the machine

We put on another movie. Steve keeps sending me this knowing smile. If I wasn’t so ridiculously happy I might’ve socked him one. Bucky sits close to me, our legs touching. I feel his eyes on me almost the whole movie until suddenly a soft snore startles me. Bucky’s head is lolled back on the couch, mouth open, snoring softly. The sight tears a giggle from me and a chuckle from Steve.

“He barely sleeps, must’ve finally got the best of him. He really must feel comfortable with you if he’s willing to let his guard down enough to fall asleep.” Steve’s voice is quiet and fond sounding. 

“I don’t know about all that, but I am glad he’s getting some rest.” He really is the most gorgeous man I’ve ever laid eyes on. He looks so peaceful. I can’t help but reach out and brush a stray hair off his face. He makes a soft sound but continues to snooze. 

“You’re good for him Liya. I think he’ll be good for you too.” Steve is so optimistic about whatever is blooming between Bucky and I, it’s nice that I have his approval. I’m scared shitless. This could cause many problems on both our ends. There was a reason I never got close to anyone all these years, but I can’t bring myself to dwell on that too much, whatever this is is far stronger than my fear. 

“I hope I can be. I don’t want to hurt him.” The thing about Steve Rogers is despite how good and polite he is he has absolutely no problem speaking his mind and giving you an honest opinion. It’s one of the things I respect about him most and something that tends to get him in trouble with the wrong kinds of people. So hearing him say that he believes I’m good for his best friend honestly means something to me because Steve never says anything he doesn’t mean. 

“Can I tell you something Liya?” I nod in affirmation to the blonde man. “That first night Bucky saw you he told me he’d dreamed of you before.” I quirk an eyebrow in confusion. 

“He said that he’d dreamed about you for years, even when he was the soldier. Said it was one of the only things that got him through some of the long nights of not knowing himself. He assumed that the woman in his dreams was someone important to him from our life before, that he just couldn’t remember who it was.” I’m really thrown off by this. There’s no way. Maybe I just remind him of someone. 

“That makes no sense Stevie, That’s not possible.” He nods his head in agreement, but his smile is almost blinding with some secret. 

“Yea, that’s what I thought too. With his mind being as fractured and all over the place as it is I just figured he’d somehow mixed you up with someone else or had just heard me speak about you so much that you felt familiar when he saw you.” He’s still smiling, and I can tell he’s not done talking so I wait with bated breath. “Then I saw the pictures…they’re you. One hundred percent you, from years before I ever spoke about you or knew Buck was still alive.” My heart is racing, the sound of it loud to my ears. 

“What do you mean pictures?” I sound shaky, I feel like I might pass out. 

“Drawings. He drew you Liya, dozens of times. Then he saw you in real life and said that he’d never felt so whole or peaceful in his entire life.” My head is spinning, I don’t know if I feel like throwing up or crying. Steve wouldn’t lie. But what the hell did all this mean?

“H-How? I want to see them.” My voice is louder than I intended and Bucky grumbles and shifts in his sleep. We both still until his snoring returns. 

“It’s his place to show you not mine. I figured telling you would give him a kickstart though. I think he’s scared to say anything because it sounds so crazy.”   
It does sound crazy, impossible even. For some reason unknown to me I believe it and not just because Steve is telling me. I was drawn to James Barnes the moment I heard about him. I became consumed by this overwhelming need to know absolutely everything I could about him. I wanted nothing more than to meet him, and then when I did it was an immediate kind of attraction. The rational part of me is screaming that this kind of shit just cant happen but the other half is saying that in a world of super soldiers, aliens, and Viking gods the concept of some intense romantic connection that goes far deeper than something my logical brain can grasp really isn’t that strange. 

“I’ll try to get him to talk to me about it, I don’t think he’s crazy. Thank you for telling me.” 

We chat quietly for a few more minutes before my eyes start to droop and I decide to leave. I stand to leave, hugging Steve before heading for the door. I’m stopped halfway there by a soft mutter of Ангел (angel) from Bucky in his sleep. My heart swells, he had called me that before not knowing I’d understood him. Steve’s eyes are trained on me as I open the door. I’m rendered almost breathless by all I’m feeling. It causes me to whisper unfiltered words to my friend. 

“I’m going to fall in love with him aren’t I Stevie?” The captain doesn’t seem shocked by the question. 

“I sure do hope so Liya, because I think as far as he’s concerned there’s a real good reason he’s always dreamed of you. You’re her you know?” My heart flutters at that. He thinks I’m the one and he barely knows me, that should be off-putting shouldn’t it? It’s the exact opposite of that.

“I need to get some sleep Stevie. If he wakes up let him know I said good night will ya?” He smiles warmly and closes the door behind me. 

Sleep finds me quickly but I’m restless. The nightmares that have plagued me for years still won’t go away. The people I killed for SHIELD…for HYDRA they haunt me. So many missions that were just supposed to be for information gathering ended in bloodshed. When you think you’re on the right side of things the head count doesn’t seem to matter as much. But now I’m haunted by all my choices and by the torture I endured to get what SHIELD wanted.   
When I wake I’m fighting through a haze of fatigue and anxiety. It’s one of my days off so I dress casually in a pair of dark jeans and a form fitting white tank top. I leave my hair loose and apply the bare minimum of makeup. I don’t feel like making breakfast so I wander down to the staff cafeteria and grab a bagel with a side of bacon. 

“Do my eyes deceive me or is that my favorite Bulgarian beauty sittin at a table by herself?” I look up with a huge smile on my face. I jump up and run into the waiting arms of one of my favorite people in the world. 

“Sam! I didn’t know you were back from scouting.” He chuckles and holds me at arm’s length. His usual chipper expression falls a bit.

“You not sleeping again baby girl?” I roll my eyes and signal for him to follow me back to my table, he takes a seat across from me. 

“I’ve been having nightmares pretty badly again but I’m ok bird brain.” He mutters something insulting under his breath, he hates when I make bird jokes. 

“Why don’t you come down to the VA next week ok? It might help a bit and the boys love seein you.” I nod in agreement. It did help, and I enjoy lending Sam a hand when I can and he does the same for me. “I talked to Steve this morning, he said you’ve been helping him out with Barne’s.” 

“Of course I am, that was always the plan.” An eyebrow is raised and he’s drumming his fingers on the table. “What Sammy?” He shakes his head in amusement. 

“I didn’t realize tall, dark, and murdery was your type.” I almost spit my tea in his face but end up choking instead. 

“Is Steve incapable of keeping his stupid mouth shut!?” I glare at the laughing man across from me.

“He barely said anything, I’m good at reading between the lines.” I flip him off and take a bite of my bagel. “I humiliate myself for years continuously getting shot down by you just to find out you have a thing for decrepit cyborgs.” A sharp kick under the table makes him wince. 

“You never could have handled me fly boy. And whatever is going on between Bucky and I is new, and I don’t need your ass meddling in it.” He looks surprised.

“Wow, you really do got a thing for him. Stark’s gonna shit a brick.” My stomach drops at that. Like I hadn’t already thought about how badly that conversation would go.

“Which is why you and Captain busybody need to keep your loud mouths shut! This has been going on for all of a day Sammy, we aren’t in some established relationship and we have to figure it out for ourselves. I do like him, I’m not going to fuck it up before we even see where it’s going to lead.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand in his large one.

“Ok I hear you loud and clear. Take a deep breath, damn girl you get riled up easily.” I roll my eyes but squeeze his hand back. He was one of my closest friends, I could tell him anything. I’m confused by the wide-eyed half scared look on Sam’s face. “Shit, Barne’s looks like he’s about to go all mindless killer on me.” I whip around and take in the irritated but incredibly attractive look on James Barnes face. He’s walking slowly, calculated. He’s wearing a pair of black athletic pants and a grey under armour shirt that fits his muscled body like a second skin. 

I instinctively stand and meet Bucky halfway. I don’t even think about it but I’m suddenly wrapping my arms around his solid form. Whatever tension he was feeling seems to melt as he relaxes against me. He’s tall enough that he can set his chin on top of my head and I can rest mine against his warm chest. I pull back and meet his eyes which are now much warmer.

“Good morning Bucky. Why did you look so mad a minute ago?” We are still standing close together. He shoots a glare behind me.

“He was holding your hand.” He gestures to Sam who looks downright astonished by our little display of affection. 

“Sam’s one of my best friends, he was comforting me.” I walk back to my table and Bucky sits right by me, our legs touching.

“Wilson.” He says it in a clipped tone, gesturing with a small nod of his head. 

“Hey Barne’s, how’s it going?” Sam sounds his usual cheery self again.

“Fine.” My dark-skinned friend huffs out a laugh.

“Talkative as usual I see. Well Liya I’m gonna go find Steve and hit the gym. Give me a call later so we can figure something out for the VA.” He squeezes my shoulder as he passes by. I think he was trying to not stress out Bucky. 

I’m surprised when warm fingers intertwine with my own. A soft smile graces those perfect lips of James Barnes. “Sorry I fell asleep last night doll.” He reduces me to a puddle of   
goo with that smooth voice of his. 

“Don’t be sorry. You needed the sleep Sarge.” His hand squeezes mine a little tighter, eyes darkening that smidge again. I don’t know why that seems to effect him so much. 

“Steve said that you had the day off today. I was wondering if you’d maybe wanna get dinner with me?” I wonder if he can hear how fast my heart is beating. 

“Are you asking me on a date James?” I know I’m smiling like an idiot and he smiles right back. He lifts my hand to his lips before placing a soft kiss there. I’m done for. 

“Yea I am. I think I like it when you call me James.” He looks so carefree right now. If he likes it I’ll make sure to say it over and over again.

“I would love to go on a date with you.” Heartbreaking, swoon worthy grin, the kind he had in those 1940’s pictures. 

“Alright. I’ll come to your door around seven. Have a good day doll.” He presses a kiss to the top of my head and is gone in a flash. What the hell just happened?   
There are more than a few people looking at me. I kind of forgot I was in the middle of the cafeteria. So much for keeping all of this under wraps.


	6. Embraceable You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I love all  
> The many charms about you  
> Above all  
> I want my arms about you  
> Don't be naughty baby  
> Come to me  
> Come to me do  
> My sweet embraceable you” Embraceable You by Billie Holiday

Not ten minutes after I make it back to my suite my phone is ringing, its Nat. “Имам нужда от помощта ти. Имам среща, какво да правя?” Natasha’s raspy laugh is the answer to my rushed Bulgarian.

“A date huh? Is it fair to assume it’s a man old enough to be your great grandfather?” I curse at her in another slew of Bulgarian. “I’ve gotta hand it to Barne’s, I really didn’t think he’d move this quickly. I’m almost proud of him.” There’s still a hard edge to her voice.

“I’m going to be fine Nat. Don’t you dare threaten him either!” She lets out a loud sigh.

“I know you’ll be fine. I saw this coming months ago unfortunately.” How?

“Steve told me about something, about some drawings of Bucky’s, I have yet to see them for myself. Then this weird pull I feel towards him and the way you just seemed to know this would happen. What do you think’s going on? I’m sure you have a theory or ten.” Again, another loud sigh.

“In about every culture in this world and the others we know of, there are different words for what I think you are experiencing. They say a long time ago that we used to bear each other’s soul marks, in asgard they still do. I could tell from how enamored you were with Barne’s that something else was at play. I’ve seen it once before…it’s something I’m not ready to talk about yet. You’re soul mates, twin flames.” Once upon a time I would have laughed at the very concept of that. My grandmother always told me that my grandfather was her soulmate, like she truly believed it. Everyone had heard the old stories of course but did they really hold any merit?

“And you of all people really believe that?” She’s silent for a moment.

“If ever there was a person who deserved an amazing love story it’s you Aneliya. So yea, I’ll choose to believe that you and that crazy tortured soul Barne’s are meant to be. At the very least I know he’ll keep you safe. It’s ok to take what you want with absolute abandon you know?” I didn’t expect any of this from her. She’s the most logical person I know.

“Ok Nat. What should I wear? He’s taking me to dinner.” The rest of our conversation is lighthearted and she helps me as best she can over the phone.

When evening rolls around I start getting myself together. I do my hair in soft curls and my makeup a little darker and smokier than usual, my lips are a deep red. The dress I choose is an emerald green midi length slip dress with an attractive cowl neck and completely open back. I pair it with gold pumps and a gold clutch.  
Seven o’clock on the dot there’s a knock at my door and FRIDAY informing me Sergeant Barnes is at the door. I take a deep breath before opening the door. He looks far too attractive. His hair is pulled back in a small knot at the base of his neck. He’s wearing a pair of silver grey slacks and white button up with a jacket to match the pants. He’s smiling widely as he gives me a slower than necessary once over. He lets outs a low whistle, I feel heat rise to my cheeks. 

“You look stunning sweetheart.” His voice sounds reverent. He pulls a bouquet of pink roses from behind his back with an air of shyness. “My ma would kill me if I didn’t do all this properly.” 

I lean forward and plant a kiss to his jaw. “You are incredibly sweet. And you look too good to be true.” This time its him who reddens slightly. I gesture to him that I’m taking the flowers inside to a vase. 

“Good God, that dress.” He groans it out and I giggle a little. I guess he’s appreciating my completely bare back right down to my waist.  
When I return he keeps his flesh hand pressed to the small of my back as he leads me to the elevator and down to the ground floor. 

“So where are we headed James?” His hand presses a little more firmly to me.

“This Asian restaurant not far from here. Steve said that’s your favorite kind of food, sushi and stuff. Figured I’d take ya somewhere you’d enjoy.” I love that the Brooklyn accent breaks through at random moments. 

He hails us a cab and before I know it we’re seated in probably the fanciest Japanese restaurant I’ve ever been in. We order our meals after a few minutes of deliberation and a couple different sushi rolls. I’ve convinced him to join me in glass of wine even though he insists that alcohol no longer has an effect on him. We sit next to each other at a bar type table. 

Bucky just stares at the sushi once it arrives. “Are you scared of some raw fish Sarge?” I shove a whole roll in my mouth and moan a little as I chew. He licks his lips.

“I think I’m a little jealous of it right now.” I laugh and pick up another Dynamite roll with my chopsticks and bring it to his lips. I raise an eyebrow in challenge and he opens wide enough for me to deposit it in his mouth. He chews slowly, clearly expecting the worse. After a minute I can tell he’s pleasantly surprised though with the slight roll of his eyes. I giggle as he immediately reaches for another one. 

“I’m really glad you asked me out tonight you know?” I finish off my third glass of wine as we wait for our plates to be cleared away. The smile I receive is breathtaking.

“I’m really glad you accepted. If you woulda told me a year ago I’d be takin the most beautiful girl I ever laid eyes on out to dinner I wouldn’t have believed it for a second.” The sincerity in his voice and look on his face makes me feel bold. 

I reach forward and take his face in my hands before pressing my lips to his. He stiffens for a moment out of shock I think but quickly gets over it and returns the kiss with fervor. 

He doesn’t seem to mind that I probably taste like raw fish because his tongue is tangling with mine. He’s slow, and hot, and passionate enough to have me making an entirely too embarrassing sound in the back of my throat. He pulls back after that but leans his forehead against my own. His eyes are dark and stormy again, he’s breathing hard, and biting that delectable bottom lip of his. It takes everything in my to not straddle him right here and now and bite that lip myself. 

“That was unexpected doll, can’t say I minded though.” His voice is a little deeper than usual.  
“That’s all I want to do anytime you’re near me.” Maybe it’s the little bit of wine that has being so honest, although I really think its just being near this man. 

“God, you got no idea what hearin you say things like that does to me darlin.” I grin and give him another quick peck on the lips before jumping to my feet. 

“I know this place not far from here that I think you’d get a kick out of if you’re feeling up to it James.” I hold my hand out to him which he takes eagerly.

“I’m feeling up to anything that keeps you with me longer.” His sweetness has me grinning like a teenager.  
We walk the few blocks to our destination. His eyes widen when we enter the club I’ve brought us to. 

“I know this song.” Billie Holiday is pouring through the speakers There are numerous couples slow dancing. I pull him to the dancefloor and he very quickly and just a tad eagerly takes me into his arms. “You’re amazin, ya know that?” I don’t think I’ve ever danced quite this intimately with someone before. Even after all these years he still knows how to dance to this music. 

“So would you have danced with me like this back then Bucky?” He pulls me impossibly closer. 

“I woulda taken you dancing every chance I got. Would have brought you home to meet my ma. I would have driven you crazy until you agreed to be my girl.”  
The song ends and he leads me away to the bar. I order a screwdriver and he sips some whiskey to humor me. 

“So you would have made me your girl huh? I think I like the sound of that.” The cool metal of his left hand caresses the lowest part of my back making me gasp in surprise. 

“Yea? I like it too, so what do you say doll, wanna be my girl?” His eyes are dancing with playfulness.

“I’d like nothing more. Does that mean that you’re mine all mine soldier?” I play with the buttons of his shirt and look up at him through my long lashes. 

“I was yours the second you walked through Steve’s door the other night Ангел.” My heart squeezes in my chest at his endearment. 

I close the small space between us again. Maybe all this was too fast but we had both seemed to accept whatever this was as an inevitability that there was no point in fighting. The seal of his kiss feels like a promise that I never want to end. 

“Want to go back to my place Sarge?” I don’t mean to sound as breathy or desperate as I do but he doesn’t seem to mind. 

“Hell yes.” I laugh at his eager tone and let him lead me out into the night. It doesn’t take too long before we’re back in the compound and walking through my front door.  
I barely have a chance to toss my heels off before Bucky is pushing me against the nearest wall. His lips are back on mine, his knee finds purchase between my legs. I nip at his lower lip and involuntarily grind myself into his leg. A load groan leaves him, he leads a hot wet trail down my neck to my collarbone. I don’t think I’ve ever been more turned on in all my life. 

“You smell so good doll.” His lips latch on to every inch of available skin from my neck to chest. I push the jacket off his shoulders and start making quick work on the buttons of his shirt. 

A bare-chested Bucky Barnes is droolworthy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone as fit and defined as this man, and that metal arm of his does things to me that just aren’t right. My hands skim down over his shoulders and pecs. His abdominal muscles involuntarily twitch the lower my hands dare to reach. 

“You’re so perfect Bucky.” Again words are leaving my mouth without my say so. He inhales shakily. 

“We don’t gotta do anything you don’t want to. Just say the word and I’ll stop ok?” I can tell he’s struggling to maintain control, that he’s trying to be a gentleman.

“I don’t want to stop. I want you to fuck me until I cant remember my own name.” The growl that tears out of his chest is unreal. He wraps his metal hand slowly around my neck before giving the slightest squeeze. 

“I’ll absolutely ruin you sweetheart.” The dark promise in his voice is the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard.


	7. A Lust for Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lust for life keeps us alive

Chapter 7  
“Cause we're the masters of our own fate  
We're the captains of our own souls  
So there's no need for us to hesitate  
We're all alone, let's take control  
And I was like  
Take off, take off  
Take off all your clothes  
Take off, take off  
Take off all your clothes  
Take off, take off  
Take off all of your clothes  
They say only the good die young  
That just ain't right  
'Cause we're having too much fun  
Too much fun tonight, yeah” Lust for Life by Lana Del Rey feat. The Weeknd

I don’t know how we got here but we’re standing in my bedroom. Two very different feeling hands are sliding the thin straps of my dress down my arms. The silky material slips off me and pools at my feet. 

“God ангел. You’re so beautiful.” I’m standing in nothing but a black lace thong. I couldn’t wear a bra under my dress due to the cut.

I fight the urge to cover myself. Bucky is staring at me with a hunger I’ve never seen in a man before. He circles around me slowly, a sharp intake of breath when he’s standing behind me. I don’t think thongs existed in the 40’s. 

He pulls me back against his chest. The full-length mirror on the back of my door is directly in front of us. I look a flushed mess, and Bucky’s hair is down and wild, the dark look in his eyes makes me shudder. 

His flesh hand wraps delicately around my neck, barely squeezing while metal fingers trail down to grasp my left breast rougher than I expected. The metal is cold but feels heavenly when he tweaks my nipple relentlessly. I moan wantonly. 

“Look at how gorgeous you are.” His voice rumbles deeply in his chest. My eyes meet his in the mirror as his other hand leaves my neck to slip beneath the thin fabric of my panties. “Fuck, you’re soaked doll.” My knees are about to buckle from the pleasure. Skilled fingers are rubbing my clit with just enough to pressure to keep me right on the edge. 

“Please James.” I’m needy sounding even to my own ears. I can feel him hard and ready against me, I grind into him out of desperation. 

“Tell me what you want.” Two fingers sink into me, we both moan. 

“I want your cock inside me.” He practically growls, he spins me around roughly before crashing his lips into mine.

A none to gentle push has me landing on the bed. I move back towards the headboard as he removes the rest of his clothing. He’s unbelievably attractive. Perfect from head to toe. I’m almost nervous about how large he is because it’s been so long for me. A moment later and he’s hovering over me with the most passion filled look I’ve ever seen. 

“There’s so many things I want to do to you doll but I think they’ll have to wait for next time because I’m dying to be inside of you.” I whimper at his words and the desperation in his voice. “Do we need protection?”

“I’m on the pill.” He lets out a sigh of relief. I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him to me. Our lips meet as he thrusts into me, we both moan at the feeling. 

“You’re so tight Ангел.” He’s talking through clenched teeth. The smallest movement of my hips gets him moving.  
I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything this good before. We just fit. Complete and utter fulfillment is what this is. He grips my waist tightly, metal and flesh leaving its mark as he drives into my body with abandon. 

“Bucky…I…Fuck.” I can’t form a coherent thought let alone sentence. All I can do is feel, and its completely indescribable. 

I moan at the loss of him when he suddenly pulls out of me and shifts to his knees before grabbing me roughly by the waist and hooking my legs over his shoulders. The pace he sets is intense and has me moaning continuously. 

“You feel so good around my cock Liya.” Those words are almost enough to send me over the edge, he’s perfect. He groans as I tighten around him. “That’s it doll, I want you to cum on me.” 

The mouth on this man is too much. I arch into his thrusting hips, chasing my orgasm. “James, please…” I don’t know what I’m pleading for but he seems to know. Cold Vibranium pinches my nipple roughly before traveling upwards and wrapping just tight enough around my throat. That’s all it takes and I’m shattering. 

“I’m cumming!” Chanting his name like a prayer. Bucky loses his rhythm, pounding into me even harder for a few moments before I feel him pulsing inside me.

“Fuck!” His eyes roll slightly as he releases.

He shifts my legs off his shoulders gently and pulls out of me with just as much care. I laugh as he falls back beside me limply, a boyish grin on his face as he pulls me to his chest. He runs his fingers through my hair and I draw lazy circles over his heart. I’m content. 

“Next time I’ll last longer, in my defense it’s been over seventy years since I’ve done that.” I scoff at his ridiculous statement.

“Coulda fooled me Sarge. You got some moves for a man your age.” He chuckles and presses a kiss to my forehead, arm wrapping even tighter around me. 

“You’re amazing Aneliya, you’ve made this old man really happy.” I smile against his skin. I prop myself up enough to press my lips to his sweetly. 

“Can I ask you something?” He nods and I can’t help but kiss his plump lips again. I want to ask him about this while he’s in such a carefree mood. I figure I might as well just go for it.

“Can I see your drawings?” His eyebrows knit together in confusion before he lets out a groan and covers his eyes with his arm. 

“Damnit Steve!” I straddle his waist and pull his metal limb away from his face. His expression is almost sheepish. 

“Don’t be embarrassed James. I really want to see.” He wraps his arms around me and pulls himself up to a sitting position, so he can embrace me properly. He buries his face in my neck and speaks against my skin.

“Are you sure? It might freak you out.” I shake my head.

“Please baby?” I don’t know why that slipped out, but it did. He groans and flips me onto my back with a smile back on his face. 

“Well when you ask like that I’ll give you anything you want. You wait right here, and I’ll go grab my sketchbook from upstairs really quick, ok?” He scrambles around looking for his clothes. Once his pants are on he shoots me a soft smile before heading out of my room. 

Once I hear the front door close I jump up and make a quick trip to the bathroom to clean up a bit. I run a brush through my crazy hair and wipe the smeared makeup from my face. Once I feel freshened up I return to the bedroom. 

FRIDAY informs me that Bucky is at my door and I tell the AI to grant him access. When he reenters my bedroom he’s in a pair of low slung sweatpants and a beater. He smiles at my appearance and joins me back on the bed. 

“I don’t know how much Steve told you, but I’ve been drawing these for about ten years now. The few times I was out of cryo during those years I always had a bag on me, my very few belongings included a sketch book. They never really let me have much, but they didn’t throw these out for some reason.” I take the book from him and flip open the first page. 

I gasp at the perfect likeness of me training with Nat. I check the date in the corner, I was only eighteen there. His drawings are a little rougher than Steve’s but still beautiful and detailed. I turn through page after page of drawings of myself. In some I’m alone, others I’m with my friends. A few have me fighting, killing. I can’t take my eyes off the drawings. In one I’m completely nude and lying on my bed. So many random moments of my life are captured in Bucky’s drawings. I’m shocked, this is so strange. 

“I know that this has to seem crazy. I have no explanation for you at all. I about had a heart attack when I saw you for the first time, then you spoke, and I realized that somehow I was meant to be here, that all of this had to mean something.” He sounds so unsure as he speaks. I’m tearing up for some reason. The last picture is of me embracing Bucky.  
I set the book aside. I kneel in front of the gorgeous man beside me and crash my lips into his again. He sighs into my lips. 

“Twin flames, that’s what Nat says we are. You are meant to be here with me.” He caresses my face with his flesh hand. He doesn’t look stressed for once. 

“Twin flames huh? I like the sound of that doll. All I know is that I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me, even though that sounds crazy. We barely know each other but I can’t stop thinking about you, I wanna know everything.” I feel the same way. This is such an irrational situation, but I feel happier than I’ve ever been. 

“I’m yours too James. So I think you’re obligated to stay the night now.” He smiles at me and pulls me back to rest against his chest again. 

“Wasn’t planning on going anywhere sweetheart. Why don’t you tell me something about yourself?” Fingers are brushing through my hair again, it tugs at my heart. 

“Like what? You want to know trivial things, like likes and dislikes? Or do you want the nitty gritty serious shit?” He chuckles and presses a kiss to the top of my head. 

“I want it all. Why don’t you start with the light stuff though.” I hum against his chest.

“Well my favorite color is green. My birthday is January 14th. I hate most vegetables. And I like to smoke pot on occasion.” I nip at his neck playfully and he groans.

“You drive me wild doll. I can’t wait to learn more and more about you every day.”

“The same goes for you. I want you to be comfortable talking to me. I’ve obviously crossed the unprofessional line here but I still want to help you, now more than ever. I don’t want you to be worried that anything you tell me is going to scare me off. I’ve read all the HYDRA and SHIELD files and I don’t hold any of it against you.” I’m pulled to him even tighter. His words come out in barely more than a whisper. 

“Thank you. It might take me awhile to be able to talk about all of it but I promise I’ll try. I know I can’t hold all of this shit in or it’s gonna eat me alive. I wanna live.” His voice is full of emotion. 

I prop myself up again so I can properly kiss him. It doesn’t take long before our passion grows and I’m straddling his legs. I’m ready to lower myself onto him when I loud voice startles us.

“Captain Rogers is at your door Miss Angelov.” Stupid Friday and stupid Steve.

“What the hell does that punk want?” I move off of Bucky, he scrambles to pull on his sweat pants and I wrap my black silk robe around my naked body. 

We kiss a few more times before heading to the front door. Bucky wrenches open my front door with a glare. A giggle escapes my mouth at the shocked look on Steve’s face when he takes in our appearances. 

“Oh…uh… sorry guys. I got worried because neither of you were answering your phones. Guess I just jumped to conclusions and figured something was wrong. Obviously, that’s not the case. What do the kids these days say? Uh, my bad.” This times I full on bust up.


End file.
